Craziest Things Ancient Greeks Did

15. Phallic Parades We have many parades, some of which are a little racy, but once a year in Athens, they took it to a whole new level. Men and women would march down the streets holding gigantic penises above their heads as a tribute to their god of wine. It was called the Dionysian celebration.

14. Crocodile Dung as Skin Cream For many of us, crocodiles aren’t a part of our daily lives and I can’t even imagine if they were. However, living next to the nile, crocodiles were a common occurrence. This led to some interesting things in medicine.

13. Female Penis Lesbians The ancient Greeks didn’t really listen to what women had to say which means there were some pretty weird ideas. Though there’s even an educational divide today, ancient Greeks didn’t understand lesbians and probably didn’t want to either.

12. Birth Control Sometimes men are held accountable for birth control, but that was not the case in ancient Greece. Soranus, a Greek physician taught that birth control was completely the woman’s responsibility. He felt that if a woman became pregnant that it was her own fault. After all, it was completely unreasonable for men to have anything to do with it.

11. Filthy Cures for Women Though today women’s rights have come a long way, but in ancient Greece, they were thought to be susceptible to impurities. That means they believed that disgusting things affected women in some ways that didn’t affect men.

10. Athlete Sweat People go crazy for anything from their favorite athlete or celebrity. On Ebay you can find anything from their tissue to their jersey. But in ancient Greek days, it wasn’t their jersey everyone wanted, it was their sweat because athletes didn’t wear uniforms or clothes at all. That’s right, whether they were wrestling or running, they did it naked.

9. Trading Roosters Even though nowadays it would be considered statutory rape, Greek men often took young boys as lovers. The older man would take the initiative to present himself before a prepubescent boy to offer a live rooster.

8. Stone Wiping Toilet paper wasn’t a commodity until the 16th century in Europe. But there had to be some way to clean up. The Greeks, like the Romans, would clean themselves with a sponge on a stick. Now that doesn’t sound too bad, but most Greeks weren’t so lucky.

7. Earwax Tasting When you went to the doctor in ancient Greece it was not uncommon for him to taste your bodily fluids. That’s how he would come to a diagnosis. He might start by tasting your earwax then if you were puking, he would take a taste of that too.

6. Cheater Punishment Divorce is at an all time high. Many of these relationships end because one of the partners cheated on the other. Apparently we need stricter punishment for cheaters. The Greeks had it down.

5. Apple Chucking Today people profess their love with flowers or jewelry, but in ancient Greece, they were direct. If you loved someone, you would chuck an apple at them. Apples were not just used as a proposal or a confession, they were an overall symbol of love, marriage, and fertility.

4. Naked Gyms Much like athletic events, gyms in ancient Greece also had a naked only policy. Afterall, gymnasium roughly translates to “school for naked exercise”. That meant that they were also men-only

3. Unibrows Women in fashion today are obsessed with their eyebrows. They wax them, pluck them and even fill them in. Well it was actually no different in ancient greece except instead of trying to get rid of extra hair, they cultivated their eyebrows.

2. Zombie Prevention Zombie prevention that is on the mind of a lot of people nowadays, but even the ancient Greeks worried about it. They were so concerned that they prepped for the zombie apocalypse as soon as someone passed.

1. Elephant Wars Our wars consist of drones, tanks, guns and ships, however, can you imagine an elephant coming at you? Alexander the Great created a unit of war elephants to protect his palace. Yes, that’s right, elephants!

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